I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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