I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
