You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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