Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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