I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
