We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
