i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
