it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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