So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
