so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
