my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
