Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
