You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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