I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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