I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
