I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
