the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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