So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
