Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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