Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
