Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
