Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
