I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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