I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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