and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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