just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
