I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
