I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
