My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
