I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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