was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
