Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
