i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
