so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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