Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
