you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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