She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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