Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
