Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
