Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
