he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Boobs speak an international language.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
