hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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