the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she peed on how many people?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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