i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
