stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
