Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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