4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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