He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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