Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
