My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
