I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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