He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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