If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so let's talk penis.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
