I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
