what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
