I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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