is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
