Soap is not a condiment
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
