I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
and she was petting her beer can
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize