i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm like, not good at living.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
