Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
