I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
