i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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