census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
