Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
