At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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