Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
