She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Dicks are not precious.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
