Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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