i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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